Yes, tonight I discovered the wonders of non-alcoholic beer! Perhaps at one time in my life I scoffed at such things and wondered what the f-ing point was, but that's what getting older and wiser is all about I suppose. We went to a local Mexican restaurant/Irish bar (I know!) and I got tacos and an O'douls, and I have to say - it was lovely. aaah.... it was like having an old friend back. The comfort of a green glass bottle and a glass of amber beauty with a nice head on it. yum! Tasted just like bud or miller light, and with a 0.5% alcohol, I could pretend that I was getting a weeeeeeee bit of a buzz. Good stuff. Of course beer was never my drink of choice, so I've been thinking about looking for some non-alcoholic wine. I guess they would call that grape juice (unrefridgerated). : )

So what does that say about me... I need the illusion of having a drink in front of me more than the drink itself, which is true. At home, when I really feel like I need a drink, I just put ice cubes in my martini glass (the sound of home...clink clink clink in a cocktail glasss) and put some crangrape in their and just pretend there's vodka in it. I mean, I like getting drunk too, but more than anything, it's just a comfort to have something that I think will make me feel better. And it seems to work pretty well.

A book that begins with thoughts of eggs for breakfast and ends with apple pie instead, Alice Schertle's Down the Road shows the author's admirable ability to illuminate the human heart in gentle, softly humorous stories.

and feelin' it. I donated blood tonight. I never feel great afterward, but at least this time I was smart and did it in the evening, so I can just go to bed and then wake up feeling fabulous. But I got home and J was out working in the garden and it looked so deliciously fun so I joined in (separately). He had his headphones on listening to a Great Course on audio. That's this company that started sending me stuff in the mail and it's really cool. They have college courses talk by great professors on really interesting subjects. I'm the kind of nerd who loved college (liberal arts) so I ordered a Jazz course...history of Jazz, which I, er, still haven't finished. But it's really good! So J started looking through the catalog and he's in this sort of religious phase...not as in being religious, but interested in religions. He's been reading a lot of books about buddhism and now he's really into the history of Christianity. I like this stuff too, being never brought up in any particular religion, I look at it from a pretty detached perspective, but like to learn about it. His parents think he's becoming born again since he borrowed their bible. Neither one of our families is religious.

bleak. I can't really think of any other time in my lifetime when the economy looked so bad and the future looked so scary. I don't know if it's because I used to live in a wealthy area and didn't drive far to work, and just didn't notice things... or it really is that bad. When I was visiting VA a few weeks ago, I was going on and on about conspiracy theories and how the middle class will be wiped out and my sister said to me "what do you care? you live a good life. enjoy it." All the news coverage lately just ... I don't know... it makes me think of a Hollywood movie of a futuristic world well it all effing sucks! I don't anticipate not being able to afford food. I have a decent paying job and with carpooling, etc. we'll get by, even with the price of gas these days...but this is the first time that economic factors like that really have changed my life. My driving habits have changed (65 mph baby!), I'm carpooling, I asked my boss about telecommuting. Our expendable income has gone down...I dunno.

These are the apples, juicy and red,

that went in the pie,

warm and sweet,

that Papa baked...

Call me a nerd, but I've wanted to do a labyrinth walk for years. I have no idea why.. it's just one of those things (like the nautilus) that I see and I like and then I become semi-obsessed with. I have dreams of building my own labyrinth in my side yard out of rocks and flowers. But tonight, I actually walked one! There's a church in Portland, probably 2-3 miles from where I work that has a labyrinth on a canvas and they open it up to the public once a month or so. Now, I'm not religious at all and I've probably stepped foot in a church a total of 10 times in my life (half of them at a daycare center when I was a nanny, once I went with a boyfriend on Christmas, a few times I went wtih friends when I was kid, and once to a wedding in a catholic church). Oh, and once I blew a tire on my car when I veered trying to avoid a squirrel and hit the curb... wanted to see if they had a phone but the door was locked - typical!

December probably isn't the time for it, but I'm looking around for another job at the moment. This job was only ever meant to be a stepping stone - a way back into things — temporary cover that I knew would come to an end, but I feel quite anxious now that it is - anxious about what the next step will be. Not sure which way to turn again. Not sure I'm tough-headed or tough-hearted enough to go back to a career in law full-time, even if that was possible, but not sure what else I can do. It's hard knowing what you're cut out for.

I've finally crashed through a barrier. I finished reading the endings of several books I've had on the go for what seems like months, and it's a fantastic feeling to have finally done it. It was almost a psychological block. For some reason, I just wasn't able to finish them. But in the last few days without even thinking about it I found myself opening them at the bookmark, curling up somewhere and, one after the other, reading on until the last page. Pure joy.

I used to own a movie (back when there were "videotapes" called Bodies, Rest, and Motion. It was one of those independent films where not much happens, but for some reason I liked the movie. It's about a couple who moves to Arizona and then once they get there, they break up and the guy starts dating someone else, who he now lives with. The guy and his girfriend are still friends iwth the ex. So that's just the background, nothing has actually happened yet. Ok.. now the boyfriend decides he wants to move to Butte, Montana. Girlfriend doesn't really want to go, but she's a nice, peaceable girl so she will follow him. They get all packed up, hire a painter, quit their jobs...at the last minute boyfriend tells her that he's going alone. And he leaves. She's stunned. The painter shows up and they start chatting, get high, and have sex. He goes on about love. She gets up in the morning and leaves, not waking the painter. The painter decides he will find her.

on a Sunday afternoon. umm umm. Aged Cheddar, made in Maine. But I've been working hard so I deserve it. I feel like I'm finally hitting my summer stride.... being outside constantly, getting sun burned, covered in dirt all day, loving every minute of it. ahhh summer.

Yesterday was our kayaking course. I thought it was about advanced strokes but it was mostly about navigation. I learned some things (like, oh, how to use a compass). And got some damn good exercise paddling across casco bay. The instructors were good. One reminded us of our friend F. The other was cute and very earnest. Normally I dont' like really like that quality, but he was making it work for him. They have a rule that when you hear thunder you have to head back or hunker down. We heard thunder around 2;30 or so and headed back. Didn't get to do advanced rescue techniques (aka flipping your boat over and having someone rescue you) darn!! was SO looking forward to that. : ) And we learned some thigns about towing. I was the only woman in the class. The water was rough in some spots and the waves were pretty big. I didn't feel too bad about it though since the instructors were there. If it was just me & J, I would have been crying.

bleak. And I'm not just talking about the weather, though that applies too. Dreary! So what's wrong?

Well, first, those creepy crawly, bitey, nearly invisible fiends are back..the bird mites! J has been talking about them for a few days and I thought it was just psychological. I even did that little finger thing around the head that means "koo koo" to him a few times. But he finally had me check his back, and sure enough, there was what looked like a speck of dust sitting there. DOH! I'm not even sure the birds have left the nest yet... ?? Anyway, I'm pretty sure the cats brought them in with them from the porch, so at 10 pm last night I bathed the cats, had my 3rd shower of teh day while J took off all the bed stuff to wash and vaccuumed. Then I locked the cats out, but I still woke up with bites. I've been itching for a few nights, but with sunburn and skeeter bites, etc, etc. I pretty much itch all the time.

Oh well... we will vanquish again. Second, unbeknownst to me, J did a radon test down in the basement and surprise! we have high levels. Ok, that was sarcasm. Given the fact that radon comes from granite and we dynamited out a ledge of granite to build our house...not too shocking. But I still didn't want to know! Now what? Ugh.

You know how I am always telling you stuff about myself that pretty much proves that I am basically weird?
Well, I am about to add yet another page to the story!
I LIKE AIRPORTS!

I know that does not make sense.
A normal person is supposed to abhor the hustle and confusion and racket and inconvenience of airports, but I actually LIKE all of that stuff.

my head hurts from way too much exertion. I've almost memorized the whole Jessica's theme song. It's a tough one and I'm about 3 measures away. I still have to look at the music sometimes to peak, but I'm very very close. It feels good becuase it's been a real challenge and I'm almost there! I'm not even going to worry about the Enya song for now because that's easy by comparison and if I have to I could even drop that one. But I don't think I'll have to. I've got a long weekend and another 2 weeks after that so I think I'm golden.

My sister helped me come up with a great idea for a book. It needs a little fleshing out but it has the potential to be really funny. And hey, if I'm only spending a month on it, I can take the risk. No pressure, right? The plan is to start June 1 and obviously be done by June 30 with the first draft. I see it as something sort of Carl Hiaasen-ish. Funny, irreverent, a bit kitchy, but with a little bit of a message (yet to be determined).

Time is playing its tricks with my mind again. I have been away for a few weeks, to Ireland — and now that I am back everything seems either slowed right down, or speeded up: it seems impossible that summer is almost over, or that it is a whole year since I first rolled up my fleece as a pillow, loosened my boots, laid my head down on the passenger seat, just to rest for a while, and ended up sleeping in my car for the very first time. Time seemed all scrunched up then too. I couldn’t hold it back, and so didn’t want to know about it, blanked out as much as I could — couldn’t even say what day it was sometimes; and sometimes, now, too, it is difficult to decide whether it seems ages ago since I was in the car, or more like yesterday. Seems a bit of both. Despite two massages and a hard bed, my back still holds most of the pain of it, so healing is no indication of time lapsed.

Had sort of a crappy day at work. It wasn't so bad, but I got that feeling a few times...you know that high blood pressure feeling where you want to rip somebody's head off? Ever get that? But I took a deep breath, resorted to short sentences and turning my head, and then just blocked people out. I don't even have pms, which leads me to believe that people are just irritating. But what can you do? I'm in a bit of a spot because I've told people over and over again how NOT to irritate me but they don't seem to be paying attention, so that's it. I just can't let it bother me. Part of what bothers me is that I think maybe I'm not that good at my job. I know I'm good at parts of it, but I'm not great at everything (who is, right?) so that bothers me too. But all I can do is to do the best I can do and let the rest roll off my back.

Farmer's Market Sunday. I got up extra early to get to the San Rafael Farmer's Market before I had to park VERY far away, and also to be sure I could get some yuba from Hodo Soy Beanery before it sold out. I took some photos at the Thursday Market too, and thought they were so colorful that I'd include some of them in this post as well. I also had Apollo, my Golden Retriever friend over for the day. And a human visitor, Daniel. And given his no wheat no sugar etc diet, fresh produce seemed to be the order of the day for dinner.

Driving home, I noticed that wonderful thing... that glorious sign of summer...that harbinger of all things sweet and juicy was out... the "Strawberries U-Pick" sign!! Painted in red on a white background in stenciled letters and an arrow pointing toward the river. Yay! Seems a little early and I was hoping they woudl be picking while my sister is here, but whatever. We'll probably get out there this Saturday adn sometime next week because I WON'T BE WORKING... bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha. Anyhoo, I also picked the first lettuce from the garden tonight to have on a delicious black bean burger wrap with avocado and cheese. yum.

day than a summer day today. It's cold and dreary, overcast and intermittently rainy. We were out late last night "gallactic bowling" with some friends. It was sort of fun, but I drank too much beer, ate too much bowling alley food, and well, I can't deny it... bowling kicked my ass. I started off strong with a spare, then as I got tireder and tireder (I know that's not a word) I got worse and worse and got many many gutter balls. But oh well, better than sitting home on my birthday. : )

Have your book-tastes changed over the years? More fiction? Less? Books that are darker and more serious? Lighter and more frivolous? Challenging? Easy? How-to books over novels? Mysteries over Romance?

My reading has changed over the years. In school, I preferred fairy tales and or Enid Blytons. In my college days, I used to read mysteries, thrillers and lots of romances. I used to read classics too but those were not so very often. I rarely read non-fiction. Unless it was to do with travelogues. Now I read more serious books. I can read non-fiction although not too much of it. I also have taken to fantasies. Although paranormal erotic fiction is beyond me even now. I do read lighter stuff but with underlying seriousness. I stay away from frivolous, meaningless reads.

I've really been enjoying National Poetry Month this year; all the different types of poetry I've been reading (old and new, by men, by women, Canadians and others) are just sloshing around together in my brain. I don't usually read quite so much poetry all at once -- fiction is more my Thing. But it's been a great month of exploring poems and poets, so to meld the two, here is a booklist of novels about/including poets:

1. Possession / A.S. Byatt
This is quite a stunning book, featuring two modern grad students racing to find information on two Victorian poets; the variety of poetry and letters and papers Byatt produces is dazzling. Plus the Victorian story is lovely and romantic...

2. Sarah Binks / Paul Hiebert
I've mentioned this one before, but the humour in this imaginary biography of the "Sweet Songstress of Saskatchewan" is a delight.

3. Mean Boy / Lynn Coady
A recent novel set in a creative writing program at a Maritime university, this is a look at a young man's eye-opening experiences with Poets and his own poetic aspirations. It's funny and spot on for anyone who has ever been either to a creative writing class or been an arts undergrad.

Khaled Hosseini
372 pages
Library Book

I didn't know what to expect when I picked up this book. I just read "The Kite Runner" a few months ago and I thought that it was an incredible book. Wonderful as engaging fiction, yet with an amazing amount of information packed in there also.

To be honest, I was a little skeptical that I would like this book as well as I liked "The Kite Runner" since the second book by an author, oftentimes, doesn't stand up to the hype generated by the first.

Potato chips are about my only real vice, when it comes to junk food. Don't do candy bars. Don't drink pop.
Unless hamburgers are counted as junk food…. which to me would seem sort of a bit blasphemous, since I am convinced that hamburgers are proof of the existence of God.
I could live quite happily on a planet that had only hamburgers, as food.
I wish that all hamburgers were as large as the cows they came from.
They are made from cows, aren’t they?

Most of Carol Shields work that I've read can be described as "women's fiction", meaning that the protagonists are women. Larry's Party is a not unpleasant change from the norm.

Stars: ****

I received this book for review from Annick Press. I also read it for the Planet Earth 2008 Challenge.

“Burn explores the potent and dynamic role of fire over the course of human history, from facilitating communication, as a powerful agent in the natural world, to its use as an instrument of war.”

This book is marketed for young readers ages 10-12 but I wouldn't recommend it for the under 12’s as it talks about death, natural disasters, war, guns and other sensitive issues. In fact the first two paragraphs of the whole book talk about a very sad and upsetting disaster that had ME upset so I’d be careful with sensitive kids.

My Grandmother, who turned 91 this November, passed away last Sunday. She touched a lot of lives and was loved by a lot of people, though I don't know if she ever knew that. She wasn't always the easiest person to be around. She was blunt, and sometimes almost severe with her words. She lived a hard life that was full of struggles and frustrations. No matter how sometimes obnoxious she could be, people loved her. We all saw through her hard exterior and loved the person we saw inside.

Thomas Hardy probably wasn't the life of party, if his writing is any indication. Still, he is one of my favorite authors.

Tess of the D'Ubervilles is filled with vivid descriptions of the diary lands of England and the melodramas of a few inhabitants. Tess Durbeyfield is a naive 16 year old girl, the only sensible member of a poor family. After an accident which takes their livelihood from them, her parents send her to a wealthy family whom they believe are distant relatives. Instead of the answer to their prayers, they push her into the lecherous arms of Alec D'Uberville. Tess returns home changed and scandalized.

I headed into my neighborhood watering hole yesterday after a hard day working in the woods, on a mission to get some food, and got talking with the bartender, who is a young woman recently graduated from college. I guess I'm more avuncular than I realized, because she started confiding in me, and of course with bartenders it's supposed to be the other way around. Anyway, she majored in international relations, and now she somewhat regrets it, because she knows too much about what's going on in the world and it's depressing. She'd rather be a happy idiot. I told her that happiness isn't everything.

to be fat. For once, I was hell bent on getting to the gym and working up a good sweat. Normally I'll look for pretty much any excuse not to go to the gym. J didn't want to go, which would have been a great out normally, but I persisted. So we pull up and there's a sign on the door saying the power was out due to thunderstorms. doh. But we did go for a walk/jog when we got home. The jog was more to get home before the thunderstorm, but hey, whatever works. I'm trying to tackle exercise as my next step to absolute human virtuousness and perfection (I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna run out of things soon, I'm so close!). On my 101 list, I have "work out 3 times a week for a month" so that's the goal I'm working on, though I'd ideally like to be more active every single day.

Today, though, my main reason for wanting a vigorous workout was to burn off caffeine. I'm pretty wired. On a usual day I have as many 20 oz. diet cokes from the vending machine as I can afford on that particular day (using only $1 bills and coins) and now I've added an afternoon trip to dunkin donuts with my friend D for an iced coffe. I have to say, I feel pretty fabulous, so I'm starting to think that coffee is the answer. aaahhh-ahhh. I can't blink though. bing!