to be fat. For once, I was hell bent on getting to the gym and working up a good sweat. Normally I'll look for pretty much any excuse not to go to the gym. J didn't want to go, which would have been a great out normally, but I persisted. So we pull up and there's a sign on the door saying the power was out due to thunderstorms. doh. But we did go for a walk/jog when we got home. The jog was more to get home before the thunderstorm, but hey, whatever works. I'm trying to tackle exercise as my next step to absolute human virtuousness and perfection (I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna run out of things soon, I'm so close!). On my 101 list, I have "work out 3 times a week for a month" so that's the goal I'm working on, though I'd ideally like to be more active every single day.

Today, though, my main reason for wanting a vigorous workout was to burn off caffeine. I'm pretty wired. On a usual day I have as many 20 oz. diet cokes from the vending machine as I can afford on that particular day (using only $1 bills and coins) and now I've added an afternoon trip to dunkin donuts with my friend D for an iced coffe. I have to say, I feel pretty fabulous, so I'm starting to think that coffee is the answer. aaahhh-ahhh. I can't blink though. bing!

with my husband. Marriages just can't sustain things like that. At least mine apparently can't. We both worked from home today to save a bit on gas... the theory being that since we usually carpool, with only one of us working from home, we werent' really saving anything. Makes sense.. So it all started out lovely, and actually it was all lovely until about an hour ago, when we had our daily spat. Do all couples fight this much? There is a lady at work who fights with her husband constantly and they legitimitely just can't seem to stand each other. I want to yell over the cubicle wall "get a divorce, lady! You'll be happier!" We don't have horrible fights, but I do feel like lately we fight a lot. Oh well... the nice thing about life is that it has a way of working itself out. Either it will get better, or it will get worse. Not much point dwelling on it.

Had sort of a crappy day at work. It wasn't so bad, but I got that feeling a few times...you know that high blood pressure feeling where you want to rip somebody's head off? Ever get that? But I took a deep breath, resorted to short sentences and turning my head, and then just blocked people out. I don't even have pms, which leads me to believe that people are just irritating. But what can you do? I'm in a bit of a spot because I've told people over and over again how NOT to irritate me but they don't seem to be paying attention, so that's it. I just can't let it bother me. Part of what bothers me is that I think maybe I'm not that good at my job. I know I'm good at parts of it, but I'm not great at everything (who is, right?) so that bothers me too. But all I can do is to do the best I can do and let the rest roll off my back.

and feelin' it. I donated blood tonight. I never feel great afterward, but at least this time I was smart and did it in the evening, so I can just go to bed and then wake up feeling fabulous. But I got home and J was out working in the garden and it looked so deliciously fun so I joined in (separately). He had his headphones on listening to a Great Course on audio. That's this company that started sending me stuff in the mail and it's really cool. They have college courses talk by great professors on really interesting subjects. I'm the kind of nerd who loved college (liberal arts) so I ordered a Jazz course...history of Jazz, which I, er, still haven't finished. But it's really good! So J started looking through the catalog and he's in this sort of religious phase...not as in being religious, but interested in religions. He's been reading a lot of books about buddhism and now he's really into the history of Christianity. I like this stuff too, being never brought up in any particular religion, I look at it from a pretty detached perspective, but like to learn about it. His parents think he's becoming born again since he borrowed their bible. Neither one of our families is religious.

I used to own a movie (back when there were "videotapes" called Bodies, Rest, and Motion. It was one of those independent films where not much happens, but for some reason I liked the movie. It's about a couple who moves to Arizona and then once they get there, they break up and the guy starts dating someone else, who he now lives with. The guy and his girfriend are still friends iwth the ex. So that's just the background, nothing has actually happened yet. Ok.. now the boyfriend decides he wants to move to Butte, Montana. Girlfriend doesn't really want to go, but she's a nice, peaceable girl so she will follow him. They get all packed up, hire a painter, quit their jobs...at the last minute boyfriend tells her that he's going alone. And he leaves. She's stunned. The painter shows up and they start chatting, get high, and have sex. He goes on about love. She gets up in the morning and leaves, not waking the painter. The painter decides he will find her.

my head hurts from way too much exertion. I've almost memorized the whole Jessica's theme song. It's a tough one and I'm about 3 measures away. I still have to look at the music sometimes to peak, but I'm very very close. It feels good becuase it's been a real challenge and I'm almost there! I'm not even going to worry about the Enya song for now because that's easy by comparison and if I have to I could even drop that one. But I don't think I'll have to. I've got a long weekend and another 2 weeks after that so I think I'm golden.

My sister helped me come up with a great idea for a book. It needs a little fleshing out but it has the potential to be really funny. And hey, if I'm only spending a month on it, I can take the risk. No pressure, right? The plan is to start June 1 and obviously be done by June 30 with the first draft. I see it as something sort of Carl Hiaasen-ish. Funny, irreverent, a bit kitchy, but with a little bit of a message (yet to be determined).

Ahhh, a topic close to my heart: Rachael Ray's Christmas cocktails. Ever since Every Day with Rachael Ray started being published, we have a whole new source of cocktail goodness. And these aren't your average cocktails, either.

day than a summer day today. It's cold and dreary, overcast and intermittently rainy. We were out late last night "gallactic bowling" with some friends. It was sort of fun, but I drank too much beer, ate too much bowling alley food, and well, I can't deny it... bowling kicked my ass. I started off strong with a spare, then as I got tireder and tireder (I know that's not a word) I got worse and worse and got many many gutter balls. But oh well, better than sitting home on my birthday. : )

dealing with stress. I want a cocktail! No red wine! A goddamn cigarette!!!! ARGHH. I honestly can't tell if my life has recently gotten really bad or if I just can't deal with it without my vices. I've officially turned to food for comfort...having a smoothie right now. Today was really hard. BUT, the good news is that I now have PMS so I actually have an excuse to be a grumpy bitch.

And now i'll try to use logic to make me happier. I have a job that pays better than anything else I'll ever find in this godforsaken state. If I could learn to get along with my coworkers again (which could be a real challenge now that I know them for the bratty, self-centered egotistical twats that they are) and could just accept the fact that I"ll never get any respect or recognition, I'm sure I could learn to be happy there again. Are you convinced? Yeah, me neither, but what's the option?

on a Sunday afternoon. umm umm. Aged Cheddar, made in Maine. But I've been working hard so I deserve it. I feel like I'm finally hitting my summer stride.... being outside constantly, getting sun burned, covered in dirt all day, loving every minute of it. ahhh summer.

Yesterday was our kayaking course. I thought it was about advanced strokes but it was mostly about navigation. I learned some things (like, oh, how to use a compass). And got some damn good exercise paddling across casco bay. The instructors were good. One reminded us of our friend F. The other was cute and very earnest. Normally I dont' like really like that quality, but he was making it work for him. They have a rule that when you hear thunder you have to head back or hunker down. We heard thunder around 2;30 or so and headed back. Didn't get to do advanced rescue techniques (aka flipping your boat over and having someone rescue you) darn!! was SO looking forward to that. : ) And we learned some thigns about towing. I was the only woman in the class. The water was rough in some spots and the waves were pretty big. I didn't feel too bad about it though since the instructors were there. If it was just me & J, I would have been crying.

something new tonight. I've been thinking that instead of just rambling, I should have one of those...whachamacallit... a topic! I dont' have one yet, but I hope to have one by the time I finish.

Well, I was looking at my list and realized that to get them all done, I'd have to do 1 every 10 days. Sooo...since my car's inspection sticker expired a week ago, I thought maybe I'd the "take my car to a new place" one (which is a scary one for me...creature of habit that I am), but I thought better of it and just went to whole foods for lunch and bought the same sandwich I always get (grilled veggies with arugula and goat cheese). Then thought I could try a new food (also on the list)...uh...maybe tomorrow. Then, I thought..it's grocery night, I'll do the one about striking up a conversation with a cashier. A little background:

I found a way to work in the phase "does a bear shit in the woods?" to my book. sweetness! Ok, so I've downgraded my goals from 11 pages a day to 1 a day. So maybe I won't write a book in a month... but hey, progress is goddamn progress. Ok, and I didn't quite stick to one glass of wine. damn! I need to stop buying shiraz...too damn tasty! I'll start buying white zinfandel or something. : I~~ Or alternatively I could just drink vinegar. Or rubbing alcohol. Perhaps vanilla extract...

Call me a nerd, but I've wanted to do a labyrinth walk for years. I have no idea why.. it's just one of those things (like the nautilus) that I see and I like and then I become semi-obsessed with. I have dreams of building my own labyrinth in my side yard out of rocks and flowers. But tonight, I actually walked one! There's a church in Portland, probably 2-3 miles from where I work that has a labyrinth on a canvas and they open it up to the public once a month or so. Now, I'm not religious at all and I've probably stepped foot in a church a total of 10 times in my life (half of them at a daycare center when I was a nanny, once I went with a boyfriend on Christmas, a few times I went wtih friends when I was kid, and once to a wedding in a catholic church). Oh, and once I blew a tire on my car when I veered trying to avoid a squirrel and hit the curb... wanted to see if they had a phone but the door was locked - typical!

Yes, for the short attention span sufferers like me, there is that ever elusive flow... when you lose track of time doing something that engrosses you. I have plenty of interests and I don't think of myself as a passive participant in life, but flow eludes me most of the time. Even when I'm doing something I really enjoy, I look at my watch and say "good! I've been doing this for an hour (or half an hour) time to stop and relax! Mission accomplished! I just don't like doing anything for too long. Day long excursions freak me out. Folding laundry all at one time freaks me out. Basically, I hate to commit. That's what it comes down to. I don't like to feel obligated and I don't like to commit too much time to anything.

(long time lapse..talking to my friend J who I haven't talked with forever!) Anyhooo... so I have found some flow lately, mostly with kayaking. 35 minutes felt like 5 on Sunday when we were out there. Something about paddling and focusing on each stroke...i suppose it's something like meditation. Gardening does that for me sometimes too, but I have to force it a little more. I do a little and want to give up (because it's hard work!) but I tell myself, just a little longer, and then eventually I really do lose track of time. anyway, it's a good thing. I hope to cultivate more flow in my life.

bleak. I can't really think of any other time in my lifetime when the economy looked so bad and the future looked so scary. I don't know if it's because I used to live in a wealthy area and didn't drive far to work, and just didn't notice things... or it really is that bad. When I was visiting VA a few weeks ago, I was going on and on about conspiracy theories and how the middle class will be wiped out and my sister said to me "what do you care? you live a good life. enjoy it." All the news coverage lately just ... I don't know... it makes me think of a Hollywood movie of a futuristic world well it all effing sucks! I don't anticipate not being able to afford food. I have a decent paying job and with carpooling, etc. we'll get by, even with the price of gas these days...but this is the first time that economic factors like that really have changed my life. My driving habits have changed (65 mph baby!), I'm carpooling, I asked my boss about telecommuting. Our expendable income has gone down...I dunno.

I headed into my neighborhood watering hole yesterday after a hard day working in the woods, on a mission to get some food, and got talking with the bartender, who is a young woman recently graduated from college. I guess I'm more avuncular than I realized, because she started confiding in me, and of course with bartenders it's supposed to be the other way around. Anyway, she majored in international relations, and now she somewhat regrets it, because she knows too much about what's going on in the world and it's depressing. She'd rather be a happy idiot. I told her that happiness isn't everything.

I suspect that most of the people here would agree with me, although it hasn't exactly come up in an overt way: the majority of kids who come to the attention of adults because of their alcohol or drug using behavior don't, fundamentally, have a drug problem. If kids are smoking pot before class, they have a school problem. If they are drinking six beers at a party and then driving home, they might have a social problem and they certainly have a judgment problem, as most adolescents do. Kids in poor neighborhoods who end up involved with criminal drug dealing gangs likely have an economic problem.

But the basic issue is not that there are bad chemicals out there and we need to sit down and talk with them about chemicals. There might be something we need to talk with them about, or really, there might not be a problem at all -- they might just be experimenting because kids like to try new things. The vast majority who do so do not end up getting into any kind of trouble at all, except for the trouble that overreacting adults make for them.

That will be my topic today. Ok, I'm sure I've spouted off my radical leftist, environmental views before. Yes, I was on the forefront of environmentalism with my much beloved Hyundai Accent that I bought in 1996 and drove till I totalled her 3 years ago. Ok, so maybe that had more to do with the fact that the car cost $10K and I only made $17K, but still... I've actually always liked little cars. They're zippy and easy to paralel park (unless they don't have power steering, like my hyundai), and they're just gosh darn cute. So I've always been one of those anti-SUV people. I think they're pointless and for fat, lazy people who can't fit their fat asses into a normal size car. Plus the whole status thing... and the whole intimidation thing. Basically they represent everything I don't like about people.

And yet, there are those SUV lovers, (yes I"m talking to you people in TEXAS) who still refuse to let go of their gas guzzlers. I mean, if it was a sentimental thing...like if you had a 66 Corvair Monza that guzzled gas but looked really cool and said something about your personality..fine. But an SUV? Here are the irrational "reasons" people need SUVs:

--I have kids. Big deal! Kids are smaller than adults. They should take up LESS room.
--My kids play sports. Uh huh..I'm sure that soccer ball can't fit in the trunk of an Accord.

Now that I'm home from work, I can finish what I started in Part I.

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Sunday Morning - The Big Day

After nearly killing Jeff, we spent the remainder of the day relaxing and drinking some beers. Figuring my task was not nearly difficult enough, I stayed up until about 2 AM chatting and drinking beer after beer. By the time Jeff and I stood up to go to bed, the ground was actually spinning.

Real smart move. I went to bed and woke up with a well deserved headache.

A couple of aspirin, two bottles of water and three cups of coffee later, it was time to face the hour of my reckoning.

Sunday Afternoon - Meet Your Partner

A new year has begun. For some, this means overcoming a hangover, others, time to reflect, speculate, or make goals for the next 366 days. I'm not a believer in resolutions. However, it is nice to start a new year in order to make statements like "I haven't had a smoke this year" or "The Canucks haven't lost this year". Those statements often don't last very long.

What will 2008 bring? I'm pretty excited - I think it will be a very interesting year. I feel that there is much at the tipping point. Governments, economies, real estate, beer prices. Regarding RE, I'd be along the lines of HHV's predictions. Victoria has peaked, but without the help of a major external influence, will not crash this year.

I feel lazy today so I'm skipping the Friday Book Buzz. I'm going to try the Friday Fill-Ins Meme instead. (Love that poppet).

1. On my laziest day I like to stay in bed and read! (It rarely happens, unless I'm really sick)
2. Cleaning makes me feel like I'm being productive.
3. I love little baby feet and big cups of coffee.
4. This summer I want to swim a lot, travel a bit and enjoy some beautiful weather.
5. Reading Challenges made me start my blog.
6. Red tulips and orange pumpkins are 2 things I love to look at.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with the hubby, tomorrow my plans include errands and Sunday, I want to have fun at a baby shower!

How's that?

• The Wife •

Daughter's Night Out. Every Thursday evening a companion comes to watch after my father and I have a carefree night out. I thought about going further afield last night, but traffic on 101N was particularly noxious, even later in the evening. So I decided to try a place in my backyard that I've been wanting to visit for awhile, Ora. It was the perfect choice.

As an aside, you can tell that it is indeed heading towards winter fast as the darkness is palpable suddenly significantly earlier. So again it will be the season for rather dark outside photos when I cover a dinner, an example being the one above.

I was up north getting a haircut and Dad went along for the ride. He was so enjoying the vineyard scenery that we decided to head up Hwy 12 until we came upon a place for dinner that called to us. As we passed Kenwood, we remembered a casual but good Fish & Chips place that our friend Linda had introduced to us. Betty's Fish & Chips has been a long time family favorite of Linda's, and this was our second visit.

The interior was clean and inviting. It's a casual place, and there were locals with their dogs enjoying a meal on the outside where a few tables have been set up as well.

I had my six week Dr. visit today and it went well. It was also Noah and I's first car trip. It went really well with him sleeping the whole way there. I had to do a diaper change and feeding while at the Dr.'s though. He almost slept the whole way home, waking up just as I pulled into our neighborhood.

I have decided to switch to using all natural beauty products. I am doing a slow transition as I finish up using my other products. I am using burts bee's shampoo, conditioner, body wash and face wash. When my make-up runs out I am going to try Sally's Hensen's new make-up line, Natural Beauty line, which includes foundation and powder,primer, eye shadow base, an eye shadow trio, cream blush, lipstick, and a mascara. The paraben-free formulas include minerals and extracts of soy, bamboo, papaya, and mango. Click here to check out the line on CVS's online pharmacy store. Paraben's is preservative chemicals found in most beauty products and can mimic the hormone estrogen, which has been found to aid in the development of breast cancer. Method products are also paraben free.

Sorry for the blogless week, everyone. Internet connectivity was pretty-much inexistent at the Westin Diplomat in Fort Lauderdale, and I found myself pulling 16+ hour days all week.