Call me a nerd, but I've wanted to do a labyrinth walk for years. I have no idea why.. it's just one of those things (like the nautilus) that I see and I like and then I become semi-obsessed with. I have dreams of building my own labyrinth in my side yard out of rocks and flowers. But tonight, I actually walked one! There's a church in Portland, probably 2-3 miles from where I work that has a labyrinth on a canvas and they open it up to the public once a month or so. Now, I'm not religious at all and I've probably stepped foot in a church a total of 10 times in my life (half of them at a daycare center when I was a nanny, once I went with a boyfriend on Christmas, a few times I went wtih friends when I was kid, and once to a wedding in a catholic church). Oh, and once I blew a tire on my car when I veered trying to avoid a squirrel and hit the curb... wanted to see if they had a phone but the door was locked - typical!

*Important news bulletin*
Hillary wears pant suits! And sometimes they are yellow! Don't you know that yellow pant suits can seriously impede the successful running of a country! Oh, and she's a bitch too, with a shrill voice. (and she doesnt' have a penis). Oh, and she's not super model attractive either. And kind of old and wrinkly. Just thought you should know.

Anyhoo, so I got a few things crossed off my garden list. 5 things to be precise. Here are some pictures.

There we go... basically I got all the clover out of this area, which was intermingled with all the periwinkle and then I mulched the hell out of it. I have no doubt the clover will come back, but what can I do? mulch, mulch, and mulch some more. There's my non-flowering flowering dogwood. Had it 3 years... 4 years? and the damn thing has never bloomed. Oh well. Would like to buy a buckeye.

Yes, tonight I discovered the wonders of non-alcoholic beer! Perhaps at one time in my life I scoffed at such things and wondered what the f-ing point was, but that's what getting older and wiser is all about I suppose. We went to a local Mexican restaurant/Irish bar (I know!) and I got tacos and an O'douls, and I have to say - it was lovely. aaah.... it was like having an old friend back. The comfort of a green glass bottle and a glass of amber beauty with a nice head on it. yum! Tasted just like bud or miller light, and with a 0.5% alcohol, I could pretend that I was getting a weeeeeeee bit of a buzz. Good stuff. Of course beer was never my drink of choice, so I've been thinking about looking for some non-alcoholic wine. I guess they would call that grape juice (unrefridgerated). : )

So what does that say about me... I need the illusion of having a drink in front of me more than the drink itself, which is true. At home, when I really feel like I need a drink, I just put ice cubes in my martini glass (the sound of home...clink clink clink in a cocktail glasss) and put some crangrape in their and just pretend there's vodka in it. I mean, I like getting drunk too, but more than anything, it's just a comfort to have something that I think will make me feel better. And it seems to work pretty well.

and feelin' it. I donated blood tonight. I never feel great afterward, but at least this time I was smart and did it in the evening, so I can just go to bed and then wake up feeling fabulous. But I got home and J was out working in the garden and it looked so deliciously fun so I joined in (separately). He had his headphones on listening to a Great Course on audio. That's this company that started sending me stuff in the mail and it's really cool. They have college courses talk by great professors on really interesting subjects. I'm the kind of nerd who loved college (liberal arts) so I ordered a Jazz course...history of Jazz, which I, er, still haven't finished. But it's really good! So J started looking through the catalog and he's in this sort of religious phase...not as in being religious, but interested in religions. He's been reading a lot of books about buddhism and now he's really into the history of Christianity. I like this stuff too, being never brought up in any particular religion, I look at it from a pretty detached perspective, but like to learn about it. His parents think he's becoming born again since he borrowed their bible. Neither one of our families is religious.

Had sort of a crappy day at work. It wasn't so bad, but I got that feeling a few times...you know that high blood pressure feeling where you want to rip somebody's head off? Ever get that? But I took a deep breath, resorted to short sentences and turning my head, and then just blocked people out. I don't even have pms, which leads me to believe that people are just irritating. But what can you do? I'm in a bit of a spot because I've told people over and over again how NOT to irritate me but they don't seem to be paying attention, so that's it. I just can't let it bother me. Part of what bothers me is that I think maybe I'm not that good at my job. I know I'm good at parts of it, but I'm not great at everything (who is, right?) so that bothers me too. But all I can do is to do the best I can do and let the rest roll off my back.

on a Sunday afternoon. umm umm. Aged Cheddar, made in Maine. But I've been working hard so I deserve it. I feel like I'm finally hitting my summer stride.... being outside constantly, getting sun burned, covered in dirt all day, loving every minute of it. ahhh summer.

Yesterday was our kayaking course. I thought it was about advanced strokes but it was mostly about navigation. I learned some things (like, oh, how to use a compass). And got some damn good exercise paddling across casco bay. The instructors were good. One reminded us of our friend F. The other was cute and very earnest. Normally I dont' like really like that quality, but he was making it work for him. They have a rule that when you hear thunder you have to head back or hunker down. We heard thunder around 2;30 or so and headed back. Didn't get to do advanced rescue techniques (aka flipping your boat over and having someone rescue you) darn!! was SO looking forward to that. : ) And we learned some thigns about towing. I was the only woman in the class. The water was rough in some spots and the waves were pretty big. I didn't feel too bad about it though since the instructors were there. If it was just me & J, I would have been crying.

Yes, for the short attention span sufferers like me, there is that ever elusive flow... when you lose track of time doing something that engrosses you. I have plenty of interests and I don't think of myself as a passive participant in life, but flow eludes me most of the time. Even when I'm doing something I really enjoy, I look at my watch and say "good! I've been doing this for an hour (or half an hour) time to stop and relax! Mission accomplished! I just don't like doing anything for too long. Day long excursions freak me out. Folding laundry all at one time freaks me out. Basically, I hate to commit. That's what it comes down to. I don't like to feel obligated and I don't like to commit too much time to anything.

(long time lapse..talking to my friend J who I haven't talked with forever!) Anyhooo... so I have found some flow lately, mostly with kayaking. 35 minutes felt like 5 on Sunday when we were out there. Something about paddling and focusing on each stroke...i suppose it's something like meditation. Gardening does that for me sometimes too, but I have to force it a little more. I do a little and want to give up (because it's hard work!) but I tell myself, just a little longer, and then eventually I really do lose track of time. anyway, it's a good thing. I hope to cultivate more flow in my life.

I used to own a movie (back when there were "videotapes" called Bodies, Rest, and Motion. It was one of those independent films where not much happens, but for some reason I liked the movie. It's about a couple who moves to Arizona and then once they get there, they break up and the guy starts dating someone else, who he now lives with. The guy and his girfriend are still friends iwth the ex. So that's just the background, nothing has actually happened yet. Ok.. now the boyfriend decides he wants to move to Butte, Montana. Girlfriend doesn't really want to go, but she's a nice, peaceable girl so she will follow him. They get all packed up, hire a painter, quit their jobs...at the last minute boyfriend tells her that he's going alone. And he leaves. She's stunned. The painter shows up and they start chatting, get high, and have sex. He goes on about love. She gets up in the morning and leaves, not waking the painter. The painter decides he will find her.

to be fat. For once, I was hell bent on getting to the gym and working up a good sweat. Normally I'll look for pretty much any excuse not to go to the gym. J didn't want to go, which would have been a great out normally, but I persisted. So we pull up and there's a sign on the door saying the power was out due to thunderstorms. doh. But we did go for a walk/jog when we got home. The jog was more to get home before the thunderstorm, but hey, whatever works. I'm trying to tackle exercise as my next step to absolute human virtuousness and perfection (I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna run out of things soon, I'm so close!). On my 101 list, I have "work out 3 times a week for a month" so that's the goal I'm working on, though I'd ideally like to be more active every single day.

Today, though, my main reason for wanting a vigorous workout was to burn off caffeine. I'm pretty wired. On a usual day I have as many 20 oz. diet cokes from the vending machine as I can afford on that particular day (using only $1 bills and coins) and now I've added an afternoon trip to dunkin donuts with my friend D for an iced coffe. I have to say, I feel pretty fabulous, so I'm starting to think that coffee is the answer. aaahhh-ahhh. I can't blink though. bing!

bleak. I can't really think of any other time in my lifetime when the economy looked so bad and the future looked so scary. I don't know if it's because I used to live in a wealthy area and didn't drive far to work, and just didn't notice things... or it really is that bad. When I was visiting VA a few weeks ago, I was going on and on about conspiracy theories and how the middle class will be wiped out and my sister said to me "what do you care? you live a good life. enjoy it." All the news coverage lately just ... I don't know... it makes me think of a Hollywood movie of a futuristic world well it all effing sucks! I don't anticipate not being able to afford food. I have a decent paying job and with carpooling, etc. we'll get by, even with the price of gas these days...but this is the first time that economic factors like that really have changed my life. My driving habits have changed (65 mph baby!), I'm carpooling, I asked my boss about telecommuting. Our expendable income has gone down...I dunno.

Time seems so speeded up — another Christmas already! Sometimes I can't believe how quick things are going. Don't feel I've done enough these past twelve months to mark off another year just yet. I'm here though, surviving, hopefully putting the peices of my life back together again. What I'm not doing so well with at the moment, is with emails — in replying to them.

day than a summer day today. It's cold and dreary, overcast and intermittently rainy. We were out late last night "gallactic bowling" with some friends. It was sort of fun, but I drank too much beer, ate too much bowling alley food, and well, I can't deny it... bowling kicked my ass. I started off strong with a spare, then as I got tireder and tireder (I know that's not a word) I got worse and worse and got many many gutter balls. But oh well, better than sitting home on my birthday. : )

Driving home, I noticed that wonderful thing... that glorious sign of summer...that harbinger of all things sweet and juicy was out... the "Strawberries U-Pick" sign!! Painted in red on a white background in stenciled letters and an arrow pointing toward the river. Yay! Seems a little early and I was hoping they woudl be picking while my sister is here, but whatever. We'll probably get out there this Saturday adn sometime next week because I WON'T BE WORKING... bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha. Anyhoo, I also picked the first lettuce from the garden tonight to have on a delicious black bean burger wrap with avocado and cheese. yum.

The following letter was written by Carlton Cuse and sent today to members of the WGA. His candor and honesty are deeply appreciated by all of us here at UH. The AMPTP is counting on us becoming more divided as time goes on. But we believe the opposite will happen -- is happening, right now. We are staying strong.

To my fellow WGA Members,

I want to clear up any misunderstanding about where I stand.

On November 16 I, regretably, was quoted by a Wall Street Journal reporter saying I was going to perform some of my non-writing, post-production duties on episodes of LOST to protect the show for the fans. However, I'm sure to the delight of the AMPTP, my statement became the story and gave the false impression that there was disunity among showrunners over the issues of this negotiation.

I've just seen my first episode of the new show Pushing Daisies. My husband was insisting I watch it, and now I understand why. It's a quirky show about a young man (owner of the best named fictional shop I've seen in a while - a bakery/cafe called "The Pie Hole") who can touch the dead and bring them back to life for one minute, when he must touch them again to return them to their dead state. When he brings his childhood sweetheart back to life he wants her to remain alive -- so can not touch her again. With all the sexual tension going this is difficult for them both. This dead or alive mixup has consequences, which in turn drive the show. It's very stylized and amusing - over at Tripping toward Lucidity, Andi has described it as "Tim Burton if he were rolled in Sweet Tart dust" which is the perfect description, besides just cracking me up!

my head hurts from way too much exertion. I've almost memorized the whole Jessica's theme song. It's a tough one and I'm about 3 measures away. I still have to look at the music sometimes to peak, but I'm very very close. It feels good becuase it's been a real challenge and I'm almost there! I'm not even going to worry about the Enya song for now because that's easy by comparison and if I have to I could even drop that one. But I don't think I'll have to. I've got a long weekend and another 2 weeks after that so I think I'm golden.

My sister helped me come up with a great idea for a book. It needs a little fleshing out but it has the potential to be really funny. And hey, if I'm only spending a month on it, I can take the risk. No pressure, right? The plan is to start June 1 and obviously be done by June 30 with the first draft. I see it as something sort of Carl Hiaasen-ish. Funny, irreverent, a bit kitchy, but with a little bit of a message (yet to be determined).

Boxing has taken a turn for the worst the last several years. Gone are the days of Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, George Foreman, Lennox Lewis, and Bernard Hopkins.

But now it is mainly up to one man, Floyd Mayweather Jr., to help boxing save face. That's if he stays in the game.

Desperate matches have worn down boxing and has turned younger fans away from the sport. Basically Pay-Per-View is the only thing that has saved the sport, barely, but has given fighters a reason to stay in the ring. But it has also taken away many other viewers because some just don't care about it enough to buy the matches.

I'm not a Microsoft hater. In fact, I like Microsoft quite a bit. I think Surface looks pretty cool, Excel isn't that bad of an app, and .NET is waaaaay fun to code in.

However, I can certainly understand why people get so frustrated with them. Whenever I do web work, for example, I discover some new bizarre behavior in IE 6. Sometimes the way something is implemented in .NET will make you scratch your head. It is frustrating that Office doesn't play that well with other products. Etc etc.

Earlier this week I was working on a presentation. This is not something I do that often these days, spending most of my time happy and content inside of a code window. But in past jobs I had to do this sort of thing on a regular basis so it doesn't bother me. I popped open good ol' Powerpoint and got cracking.

• The Wife •

The House in Paris / Elizabeth Bowen
New York: Anchor, 2002, c1935.

This Monday started the week off on a bad start. My husband was driving our little red car in a parking lot when a woman came through an intersection going very fast and clipped the front end of our car. She took the bumper off of the car with her and proceeded to flip her car over. Thankfully my husband walked away from the accident with only a couple bruises and burn marks from the airbag deploying. The woman however didn't seem to be buckled up and ended up on the passengers side of the car. She was rushed to the Hospital because of the severity of her injuries. Our insurance company thinks that the car is going to be totaled. I haven't seen the car and am not sure that I want to. It was sad to come home yesterday and see all the personal affects my husband had gone and taken out of the car yesterday. Most of the stuff was mine, because we had just switched cars this fall.

So I've got a job again. It's not much: I get here at 8:30, eat a croissant, then spend my day reading through legal documents so boring they could, um, enlarge a hole to a precise diameter with a cutting tool by means of rotation. Also, apparently, boring enough that I'm getting jokes out of the dictionary.

There are bonuses of course. Like, you know, getting paid. And replenishing my pen and scissor supply. Plus: I'm only working three days a week, which makes every Monday a MonWednesday, which in turn makes every Wednesday a WednesFriday, which in turn pleases me immensely. In fact, T.G.I.W.F.

I feel like I have been running non-stop lately. I have already put in two extra hours at work this week trying to get a lot of our major projects done before the holidays. Husband and I finally picked our Doula and yesterday I chose a pediatrician for baby. Baby is as active as ever, bouncing around from one end of the womb to the next MC Hammer style. I am almost done Christmas shopping at last! I need to just pick up a few more things and will at last be done. I am taking a week off in between the holidays to chill out at the house with my family. My folks are coming over this year for Christmas, which is a great stress relief for me.

Baby Update: 25 weeks 5 days

Yesterday, April second, marked the first day of the baseball season, a swath of time that signals the end of spring, the beginning of summer, and a collection of horrendous goatees that even a Korn fan would be embarrassed by. It was also Birdmonster's first real day off since a good two weeks ago, and a day I spent half-ill before an evening of red wine and that new Will Farrell movie worked like twin panaceas. (And, full disclosure here: I really enjoyed "Blades of Glory," but it must be known I was cackling far harder than the other dozen or so people in the theatre. Of course, I'd laugh at Farrell if he was giving me a brain cancer diagnosis, so, like I said: take that recommendation with a grain of salt. Or ten).

I've been tagged by Antipodean Owl to catch up on a few memes making the rounds at the moment. They are all quite entertaining to read on others' blogs so here is my go:

What else do you do to pass the leisure time?

What do I do when not reading? Well...blogging, writing (creative writing, journals, and letters to many penpals), sewing - though not as much as I used to do. I spend a lot of time cooking, as I find that very relaxing and creative. I talk to my sisters on the phone a few hours a week all together, and hang out with my funky sister-in-law and her husband. Mostly, though, I just like hanging around the house, puttering, with my husband; we chat, cook together, do housework (oh, wait, no, that's just him...), play Scrabble, watch a bit of tv - all those things that somehow contrive to use up any of the time I might have left over after reading.

123 Meme:

So the rules for this one are:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages)
2. Open the book to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the next three sentences.

Jane Urquhart is probably best known for her many novels, however, she is also a poet. She is also a Stratfordian, so in celebration of my current home town and of poetry month in general, I'll share one of her works. And to see how poetry plays into her fiction writing, take a look at this lovely interview from a few years ago.
Her husband, artist Tony Urquhart, collaborated with her on her first book, a limited edition (531 copies) of a book of poetry, I am walking in the garden of his imaginary palace : eleven poems for Le Notre. (Panoramas by Tony Urquhart. -- Toronto : Aya Press, 1982.) Copies of the 140 first-state books are going for an average of $530 these days. Nice!

The house I grew up in
Originally uploaded by m.Lee This is the house I grew up in just outside of Chicago from before I actually lived in it. Before I was born most likely. The paint is the wrong color, the bushes are too small and the walnut tree in front doesn't look to be quite the perfectly climbable size I remember it to be. But it is after the addition which I can see peeking out in the back.

But they do try to predict health care costs ten years out. You may have seen a news brief about the new prediction that health care spending will be 19.5% of GDP by 2017. Health Affairs has made this open access, so go for it if you are turned on by wonkery.

Now, there are a lot of assumptions that go into any such prediction, and it's pretty obvious that unless the McCain campaign succeeds in its increasingly transparent plan to make voters believe that Barack Obama is a secret muslim extremist who has been planted by al Qaeda to turn the country over to Islamofascist infiltrators and give Tomahawk cruise missiles to Hamas,* some of those assumptions will be overturned somehow some way, and they probably won't all work out anyway. But, for what it's worth, the broad outlines of what these perpetrators of deep wonkery expect assuming that nothing major changes are as follows.