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Worst of the Night: November 14, 2007

"Got your nose!!
Larry Hughes: The Cavs dropped a 117-116 overtime decision to the Magic, despite a virtuoso 39/14/15 performance from Lebron James. Cleveland might have pulled this one out if Hughes hadn't shot a pathetic 2-12 from the field. This guy is making $12 million this season. Shouldn't he be able to make a jumpshot too?

Andrea Bargnani: The Raptors' former number one overall draft pick scored 2 points on 1-11 shooting, as Utah edged Toronto 92-88. What's amazing is that Bargnani managed to suck that badly in only 15 minutes of action. When you average almost one missed shot per minute, well, that's not good. The kid was so far off last night that he probably missed the bench after Sam Mitchell yanked him out of the game. Meanwhile, Andre Kirilenko hit only one of six shots, but he had a team-high 11 assists. The Russian Rifle is now averaging 11 PPG, 7 RPG, 7 APG, 2.5 BPG, and almost 2 SPG. Looks like Sloan's compliments are working.

Indiana Pacers: The Pacers suffered their fifth straight loss after getting blown out by an equally awful Wizards team. You know what's wrong with the Pacers? Jermaine O'Neal. I'm completely serious. The Pacers started out the season on fire. Everybody was involved in the offense, cutting without the ball, passing, getting high percentage shots. It's no coincidence that O'Neal missed the first game and played a reduced role in the next couple. Now that he's back to getting big minutes and lots of shots, the team's offensive production has dropped. You know why? Because when the ball goes to him in the low post, it doesn't come back out, and then you have four other guys just standing around and watching him. I guess that would be okay if he hit a high percentage of his shots, but he's shooting 38 percent from the field! So sure, he may end up with All-Star, or close to All-Star numbers, but he's killing the rest of the team.

Emeka Okafor: Mr. Chukwuemeka Noubuisi Okafor showed the world last night why he turned down the Bobcats' generous $55 million contract extension offer, scoring 6 points (3-9) and grabbing 8 rebounds. It seems that Okafor wants Dwight Howard money (five years, $85 million) despite the fact that he doesn't put up Dwight Howard numbers or put in Dwight Howard time; Okafor's only played 93 (out of a possible 164) games the last two seasons.

Vince Carter: Hmm, guess who was missing from the Celtics/Nets game last night? That's right, it was Vince "I just signed a huge contract extension so I'm going to stop caring" Carter. Yes, I know he was technically out with a sprained ankle, but he wasn't exactly lighting it up in the six games he did play: 17 PPG (on 39 percent shooting), 5 RPG, 4 APG. That's a pretty steep dropoff from last year's 25/6/5 (and 45 percent shooting). Can you say Contract Year Phenomenon? And is anyone the least bit surprised?

Miami Heat: Wow. Not even trash talk from Pat Riley and the return of Dwyane Wade could alter the Heat's trance-like play. Riley threatened to suit up and play after the previous night's defeat, and he went off again after the team's 104-95 loss to the Sonics: "Unless you feel like you have something at stake or something to lose as a player, then things won't change. If you don't feel like the Heat mean something to you...you have to have a real meeting with yourself about what you care about. I don't see a team that really feels like they have anything at stake here. They come in, they play, they get beat, they go home, they go out into the night." Way to toss your team to the wolves there, Pat. I'm sure they'll want to give you their best effort next time. Meanwhile, Smuch Parker, the team's big offseason pickup, hit zero of his four shots and is shooting 28 percent for the season.

Hornets / Sixers: Exhibit B in the case of "The NBA season is too damn long and has too many meaningless games."

Tracy McGrady: Well, T-Mac has officially suffered his first semi-serious injury of the season (strained right elbow). We all knew it was going to happen, we just didn't know when. Without their closer, the Rockets lost 93-90 to the Lakers. I feel bad for McGrady, but at least I feel better about advising my friend not to trade Duncan for McGrady in his fantasy league.

Phil Jackson: You know, I assumed that, after last season's "Tim Hardaway hates gay people" controversy, somebody as intelligent as Phil Jackson would know better than to make a gay joke during a postgame press conference. Well, I was wrong. Jackson has subsequently apologized to "any horses, Texans, cowboys or guys" that he might have offended, and I'm sure he was positively dripping with sincerity when he said that.

New York Knicks: The team fell to 2-5 after an 84-81 loss to the Clippers. On the bright side, they probably would have lost by more if Stephon Marbury had actually shown up and played. Wait...what? He did play? And everything's just fine between he and Isiah now? Are you kidding me? I can't believe this circus is still going on, and on, and on...

Golden State Warriors: Last year's feel-good team is this year's feel-awful team: 0-6 and about to embark on a five-game Eastern Conference road trip. The only good news for the Warriors is that their road trip includes games against the Knicks, Wizards, and 76ers. Do you think this team misses Jason Richardson? And Stephen Jackson? And a Don Nelson that actually gives a crap? I other news, has this team even played defense yet this season? They're giving up 118 PPG on 51 percent shooting, 46 from three-point range. They're also giving up 30 FT attempts per game, and their opponents are averaging 28 assists. They're getting outscored by 11 PPG and getting outrebounded by 10 RPG. That's it, I'm taking the "D" out of their name and giving it back to the Nuggets. From now on, these guys are the Golen State Warriors.

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    Portland Trailblazers: After two impressive homecourt wins against Dallas and Detroit, I wrote "I'm really excited about this Portland team." I must have stat cursed them or something, because the Blazers immediately lost their next four games by an average of 12 PPG, including last night's 101-92 loss to the Bobcats. Would Greg Oden have helped against the 'Cats?

  • The Knicks offense: They scored 92 points on 38 percent shooting (30-79) and committed 18 turnovers. During the second quarter, the Knicks went nearly 11 minutes without a field goal. And I feel the need to point out the obvious here: An NBA quarter is only 12 minutes long. New York bricked 10 shots during that 11-minute Gulag. It very rarely gets any uglier than that.

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  • Miami Heat: They went 0-for-the-weekend and have lost four in a row overall, dropping their record to a second-next to league-worst 8-23. On Friday night, Miami wasted a 48-point, 7-rebound, 11-assist performance by Dwyane Wade in dropping a 121-114 overtime decision to the Orlando Magic. Things got worse on Saturday night, when the Heat scored only 74 points in a 22-point loss to the Washington Wizards. Said Pat Riley after the game: "One positive point about tonight's game is that this is the last game of 2007. It's been a bad year."

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  • Note: Check out Hardwood Paroxysm each day for 15 reasons you should watch the current night's games. Most of what they have to say over there is completely crazy and only makes sense in a "24-hour drug bender" kind of way. In other words, it's totally awesome. Oh, you should also check out Introducing Liston, but only if you really want to get your freak on.

  • The New York Knicks: It's bad - but sort of expected - when the Madison Square Garden crowd starts chanting for James Dolan to finally put Isiah Thomas out of the Knicks' misery. But it goes from "sad" to "tragically sad" when the "Fire Isiah" chant picks up steam on the road. And that's what happened last night in Philadelphia during during the Sixers' 40-point drubbing of Team Dysfunction. Did New York just roll over and die on defense? Well, Philly shoots 45 percent from the field and averages about 94 PPG on the year. Last night, they shot 57 percent and had 102 points by the end of the third quarter. This is how badly things went for the Knicks: Human victory cigar Gordan Giricek played the entire fourth quarter.

    Isiah Thomas: The Baby-faced Assassin sunk to a new low, even for him, placing the blame for last night's stink bomb directly on the broad and pudgy shoulders of twin towers Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph. Said Isiah: "My guy's minds were elsewhere."

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  • On Friday...

    Kevin Martin: Trading Mike Bibby to the Atlanta Hawks was supposed to be a sign that the Maloof brothers are ready to build their King-dom around Kevin Martin. But based on Martin’s 1-for-8, 1-rebound, 2-assist night against the Charlotte Bobcats, they might want to investigate some alternative architectural designs.

    DeSagana Diop: When the Jason Kidd trade (finally) went down, a lot of people said – screamed, even - that the Mavs were crazy to include Diop in the deal. Uh, the dude's averaging 2.9 PPG and 5 RPG. I wouldn’t exactly call that "irreplaceable." And sure enough, he was very replaceable against the Pacers: zero points (0-for-1) and 5 rebounds.

    David Harrison: Science has yet to unlock the amazing power of invisibility. Maybe Science should ask Harrison, who made his hulking seven-foot, 300-pound body disappear by scoring a four trillion against the Nets.

  • Yesterday I mentioned that the story about Shaq's phone call to Steve Nash gave me chills. That was until monsieur flohtingPoint from Horsetoothed provided the rest of the story:

    *phone rings at the Nash residence, as Steve leans back and answers it*

    Nash: "Hello?"

    Shaq: "Hi Steve, this is The Big Aristotle."

    Nash: "Who?"

    Shaq: "You know, The Big Corpulent. The Big Geritol. Wilt Camberneezy?"

    Nash: "Wilt's dead, is this a prank call?"

    *In the background you can hear Steve's wife yelling at him to hang up the damn phone.*

    Shaq: ...

    Shaq: "It's Shaq."

    Nash: "Oh, hi Shaq. What's up?"